


Despairing Regrets

by WritingCoffeeAddiction



Series: Drabbles & One-shots [13]
Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Feelings Realization, Gen, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Anguish, Post-Canon, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 23:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingCoffeeAddiction/pseuds/WritingCoffeeAddiction
Summary: "Come back, Nicky, please come back! I-I love you!" Lorna's eyes jet open and she sighs sadly, realizing it was all only a dream—or better yet a nightmare. Lorna realizes just how much she loves Nicky, yet, knows it may be too late. *Post season five.





	Despairing Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I was in the mood to write tonight...something small and this is what came of that. I'm sorry. It's really dark and angst-filled. I hope it's still enjoyable, somewhat. Probably not.

_Despairing Regrets_

Lorna sits solemnly in the visitor room—waiting drearily for her husband to arrive. Knowing that she'll be ending their marriage in just a short few minutes causes a knot to form in the pit of her stomach. Yet as much as it pains her to have to end it, she knows this is what's best—she can't stay in marriage with a man whom she can't seem to love back anymore.

Finally, she sees him enter through the metal-detector and forces a small smile on her face. Her heart speeds up rapidly as he comes over, holding his arms open for an embrace. With a sigh, she gets up from her chair to quickly get it over with—it shames her to feel so odd in his once favored arms, but she knows it's nothing she can help.

"You look beautiful," Vinny smiles, releasing her and taking the seat adjacent to her. "How are ya adjusting to this new prison? It seems a lot smaller."

Massaging her hands over both temples, Lorna's smile instantly fades away. The knot in her stomach intensifies while her brown orbs peer attentively into her husband's. She shakes her head with another long sigh. An ache courses through her chest—she loathes to have to break it off with him, a man who's been there for her when she had no one else (or that's what she kept telling herself).

He gives her a concerned look, reaching over to gently touch her face. "What's the matter? Is the morning sickness getting to ya or somethin'?"

Another sigh escapes her at the mention of her pregnancy. She realizes this decision will not just impact her life but also their baby's and that only makes this much more difficult. "I-I have something real important I need to tell ya…and I know it's not gonna be something ya wanna hear but I can't keep living like this," Lorna's voice shakes out; she bites her lip, trying to stop herself from crying.

"You're not giving our baby up for adoption, are you? I told ya I got a job and a really big apartment—I'll make sure he's got what he needs until ya get out," Vinny uneasily questions, his eyes filled with a strong worry. The thought of some strangers raising his child makes his blood boil—he hopes to God that's not what she's talking about.

Shaking her head fervently, Lorna jerks it slightly so that his hand is swiped away from her. A few tears slowly make their way out of her orbs. "It ain't got nothing to do with the baby—I can't, I can't stay married to ya, Vinny. I'm sorry," she cries out, staring sadly at the man.

Vinny's eyes widen in surprise. He looks at her, his forehead creasing in confusion, and slowly shakes his head. "What—what the hell are ya talkin' about? Why not, Lorna? We love each other—ya only got like another year, we can manage! Please…don't do this!"

Standing up from her chair, the brunette gulps. Tears continue to pour from her eyes as she stares at him, a gleam of guilt shining through them. "I can't stay married to ya—not when, when I don't love you the same way you love me…it just—it won't work out, Vinny. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she sobs, backing away from the table until she's halfway out of the visitation area. She can hear his heartrending cries and that only worsens the ache in her chest; she continues walking, trying to get as far away from that room as she can.

* * *

That night has Lorna sitting in her closed-off cell writing a letter. Tear stains sit on the paper as the pen writes the words she longs to tell her one true love—the woman she wishes was with her right now. She exhales a painful breath; the overwhelming thought that she hasn't seen Nicky in over three months makes her physically ill. Living behind bars without that rambunctious friend of hers is the most excruciating thing she's ever had to endure.

"I-I'm sorry, Nicky," she hoarsely whispers, laying her head against the piece of paper. The tips of her fingers brush lightly against it. Sniffles continue to escape her. "I'm sorry I hurt you so bad—I'm sorry I didn't realize my feelings for ya in time…"

Her eyes slowly droop shut and, seconds later, reopen to find that exact person standing just a few feet from her. She exhales a strong breath of air, feeling another rush of tears come to her. "Nick, Nicky?" Her voice shakily inquiries, not comprehending how the redhead ended up in the same place as her…until she notices that she's not in her prison cell anymore.

Lorna stands up and cautiously makes her way over to the other woman. Once she's right beside her, she slowly lifts her hand to place on Nicky's shoulder. What happens next makes her whole heart shatter inside. She falls to the ground, screaming into her knees as she watches the other's body blow away with the strong gust of wind. "Come back, Nicky, please come back!  _I-I love you_!"

* * *

"Hey, Morello, wake up," her cell-mate mutters, shaking her gently after coming back from the rec-yard to see Lorna's sleeping and screaming out against the table.

The brunette's eyes jet open and she sighs sadly, realizing it was all only a dream—or better yet a nightmare. She mutters a quiet apology before finishing the letter placing it in an envelope; she holds it tight, carrying it with her to her bunk. Lying on the bed, she places the letter on her chest and wraps herself in the blankets. A lonesome tear leaks down her cheek as she holds tightly onto the envelope, "I love you with my whole heart, Nicky. I'm sorry for everything."


End file.
